Blog Entry

Tim Brewster: Gophers could be '5-0 right now'

Posted on: October 4, 2010 7:39 pm

Posted by Adam Jacobi

There is a tiny nation in the South Pacific named Vanuatu, home to less than a quarter million people, mostly of aboriginal descent. Though the country didn't gain independence until 1980, the islands have been inhabited for up to 4,000 years, which means the people are steeped in a rich, but largely isolated culture.

So when the American military arrived on the islands during World War II, the native people were amazed by what they witnessed. The soldiers were so technologically advanced (and non-hostile!) that the people began to assume that the marching, paperwork, and other daily rigmarole was actually ritual, all to curry favor with the gods, favor that was rewarded when goods just arrived via parachute at the island for the Americans.

The wonderment continues to this very day, as a mythical American soldier named "John Frum" is revered by locals, and he's the basis of both a religion and a political party in Vanuatu. These adherents, believing in the "rituals" they or their recent ancestors had personally witnessed from the Americans, began copying these rituals in an attempt to recreate the success and prosperity of the Americans that had come decades before. They carved guns from wood, made landing strips in the jungle, and marched in matching clothes.  

This type of group is referred to as a "cargo cult," and historically, these cargo cults have been confined to South Pacific nations like Vanuatu. Shockingly, though, there appears to be another one popping up in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and its leader is Minnesota Golden Gophers head coach Tim Brewster:

The Gophers are 1-4, but as coach Tim Brewster insisted Sunday, "we could be sitting here 5-0 right now." Brewster said he was pleased overall with how the Gophers played and the improvement they showed, but they blew an eight-point lead in the fourth quarter and lost to a team that committed 10 penalties and made three costly turnovers.

Recall, of course, that Brewster has also demanded that his school spend more on football infrastructure, even as they enjoy the benefits of a brand new stadium. Brewster displays a replica national championship trophy in the locker room of this new stadium, and he frequently touts his proximity to the title-winning 2005 Texas program as a rare merit, proof of his ability to deliver the cargo of a crystal football to TCF Bank Stadium. His public persona is one of great bravado and confidence, as he's seen other, more successful coaches behave. In short, Brewster pretends -- at great effort -- to be a very successful football coach. And Minnesota is 1-4.

That, friends, is a cargo cult, right in the heart of America. At this rate, the only thing left for Brewster to do is hire a John Frum (any will do) as an assistant coach.

Category: NCAAF

Since: Sep 16, 2008
Posted on: October 7, 2010 10:04 am

Tim Brewster: Gophers could be '5-0 right now'

Hi Kingfish!!!!! Cool

Since: Nov 18, 2007
Posted on: October 6, 2010 6:21 pm

Tim Brewster: Gophers could be '5-0 right now'

Tigerhawk as a Gopher fan in Iowa.. your post was actually spot on correct.  55-0 and 12-0 to Iowa last 2 years.  Yes the program has how can i say this slipped.. no thats not the right word, MAYBE VANISHED is the word i am looking for. I hate the history card people use for their programs, but Minnesota needs to get back to that powerhouse it once was.  Not sure how but some how. Right now Minnesota has only history to go on, or least hockey which has taken a slide down a tad.

Since: Nov 23, 2008
Posted on: October 6, 2010 3:35 pm

Tim Brewster: Gophers could be '5-0 right now'

Brewster has done nothing good for the Gophers, we have a star quarterback Gray play Wide Receiver instead of being a multi threat quarterback.  Weber has done nothing worthy of being a started and Minnesota's once proud run game hasn't been seen in years.  We need a change and we need it fast to trun this program around and bring some pride back to Minnesota.  We have a great stadium just not the right coach in it.  I don't know how much more heartache are state can take from Brewster.

Since: Oct 12, 2008
Posted on: October 6, 2010 11:47 am

Tim Brewster: Gophers could be '5-0 right now'

Minnesota could be 5-0 if they could just schedule D-2 teams as opposed to those pesky D-1 teams like the FCS schools, USC, or their conference rivals.  Honestly, these guys are an embarassment to the BCS system and to the Big Ten.  These guys lost to an FCS team at home!  And this is not a case of Ole Miss, who is now 3-2 and looking to get in a bowl game, or Virginia Tech, who is 3-2 and (with the relative strength of the ACC this year) has an outside shot at a BCS game.  Minnesota is a touchdown away from being winless and having this team on their playing schedule screws over all 8 teams in the Big Ten who are unfortunate enough to play Minnesota.  (It's even worse for the teams who are going to be in Minnesota's division (and Wisconsin) and who consequently must play the Gophers every year.)  The strength of schedule gets dragged down.  That could make a big difference for Ohio State, the only Big Ten team who at this point has a good shot at the national championship and, with a team like this on the schedule (through no fault of Ohio State's AD or whoever makes scheduling decisions) could be passed over by an Oregon or a Boise State.  This team may have won a national championship in the past (and even been relevant in this past decade) but after Iowa went to Minnesota and proceeded to make off with their goalposts, they have not been the same.
Look, for instance, at the two matchups Minnesota has had consistently: Iowa-Minnesota and Wisconsin-Minnesota.  Since 2000 (a span of ten of these trophy games each) they have won each of these trophies twice.  Out of twenty chances to win these traveling trophies, they've been succesful four times.  Awful.  (They haven't held the Floyd of Rosedale or Paul Bunyan's Axe at all since 2006.)  Also, Minnesota has beaten Michigan for the Little Brown Jug only once since 1986 (admittedly a rivalry that has not been contested every year, though in the division setup it will be), and have not held their traveling trophy with Penn State since 2004.  Putting this all in perspective, Minnesota has not beaten any of their rivals since 2006.  This team is consistently outclassed through the course of a year by Big Ten teams and would be a better fit for the MAC or Conference USA.  It sounds awful for a once-powerhouse program to be humbled like this, but it unfortunately is the truth.

Since: Jun 11, 2010
Posted on: October 6, 2010 9:24 am

Tim Brewster: Gophers could be '5-0 right now'

I bet Nebraska, Michigan and Iowa would all chip in to help pay Brewster's salary for the next 10 years.

Since: Jan 13, 2008
Posted on: October 5, 2010 6:14 pm

Tim Brewster: Gophers could be '5-0 right now'

Oops, tested for drugs.

Since: Jan 13, 2008
Posted on: October 5, 2010 6:12 pm

Tim Brewster: Gophers could be '5-0 right now'

This guy needs to be tested to drugs.

Since: Nov 23, 2007
Posted on: October 5, 2010 6:00 pm

Tim Brewster: Gophers could be '5-0 right now'

You are what your record says you are....This goes for all teams...

Since: Jan 24, 2007
Posted on: October 5, 2010 4:24 pm

Brewster is an IDIOT

Every coach could say they could be undefeated if we did not turn ball over, tackle better,schedule weaker teams, have bye weeks every week,etc. Brewster scheduled a cupcake at home and did not won-one of the Dakota's! Time to get rid of this clown. No place for 'could be' head coaches. There are NO could be wins. Fire Brewster NOW!

Since: May 24, 2010
Posted on: October 5, 2010 1:36 pm

Tim Brewster: Gophers could be '5-0 right now'

I see the Gopher faithful have torn into Brewster already with their comments and rightfully so!

This whole we could be x right now is an argument usually reserved for unintelligent homers who like to try to convince themselves that their team is actually better than they are but to have a coach come out and do it is something you don't hear to often.

I remember being on another teams site just looking at comments because that is what I do, I go around trying to keep informed about as many teams as possible because I just like College Football in general and this team was 1-3 until beating a creampuff ACC team with no QB or WR's on Saturday but all the chat was we were 2 plays away from being 3-1 much like what this clown Brewster is trying to sell in order to keep his job I presume. 

The bottom line is no matter what excuse you make and no matter how hard you try to tell the fans what you "could" be, the old adage always rings true, "you are what your record says you are."

But alas, year after year, average and lousy teams alike, the fan base will always try to make themselves feel better by saying, but but but, we could be x, now apparently coaches do it too.

Good luck Gopher fans, what is the buzz on who should be the new coach next year?

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